More than meets the eye!

(A Satirical Romp Of Gundam Proportions, by Christa!)

Lady Une: Hi, I'm Lady Une. I don't know why Christa's letting me start the introductions. Perhaps it's because I wear glasses. All similarities end there, of course, because I'm a spider woman who enjoys violence and dressing like a man and being a witch. I'm probably in love with Treize, too, but my complete lack of a heart tends to get in the way of our relationship. Every fan of this series wants to destroy me with the nearest avaliable icepick.

Wufei: Hello, I'm Chang Wufei. I'd have more fans if I didn't hate women. I am also apparently the only Chinese character in this entire series. You can tell this by my ponytail and my martial-artist clothing.Because, obviously, all Chinese people wear ponytails and dress in martial-artist clothing. I enjoy standing around with my arms crossed to express my deep dislike of everyone. I used to have a wife, although Christa snorts aloud whenever she hears that. But I don't care, because she is a woman and I am short. Oh, and justice is my favorite word. Justice justice justice.

Treize: Good afternoon. I'm going to enjoy telling you that I am Treize Khushrenada, because in almost every episode somebody feels the need to introduce me by my really really really long full name. I am the resident prince of evil in this series. Note how I lounge about in an evil lounging manner. I am extremely handsome and wear aristocratic French clothing and obviously spend too much time in the bathroom doing my hair. And I also like to talk about justice. Perhaps I should hook up with Wufei.

Wufei: No, I hate men too. Justice justice justice.

Treize: Of course you do. I know that, because I know everything about everyone and anything in this whole dang show. Observe my knowing smirk. I never make any sense. I will now continue lounging around in a manly manner with my thigh-high boots crossed at the knee.

Zechs: Hey there, I'm Zechs Merquise, and my thigh-high boots can kick the ass of Treize's thigh-high boots. Note my sexy voice. My voice is deep and sexy. I am deep and sexy. I am also the most legal-age male in this entire series, but nobody knows that because I hide behind a stupid silver pigeon-beak helmet most of the time. I start out as a bad guy but eventually realize that the Gundam pilots are the stars of this series and I ought to side with them instead. So I become a good guy, sort of, I suppose, but most of the time I just stand around in a dapper manner and make everyone wonder whether I'm a good guy or not. This amuses me, although I am far too manly to laugh at anything. Ever. Observe: Ha, ha. See, no good. My Gundam's name is Tallgeese, even though I've never really seen a tall goose. I will now sulk around nebulously in my gorgeous red jacket and cause Christa to go bug-eyed over my attractive deliciousness.

Heero: Hey, if anyone's going to do any sulking, it's going to be me. I'm Heero Yuy. But you better not tell anybody or else I'll have to creep around in your air ducts and repetitively intone, "I'll destroy you," and "I'll kill you," and "I'll mess you up! I'll take you down! I'll ghettostyle your hood!" and that tends to get a little old. I'm not old myself, of course, but that doesn't stop me from knowing how to pilot every available war machine within reach. I can turn your toaster into a bazooka. Heck, I will turn your toaster into a bazooka. I'm too skinny and I do not like to talk or smile. I do, however, like to stand around frowning with my hands in my pockets. My many ardent fans enjoy building model kits of my Gundam cough *rip-off* cough Transformerlike Robot, which you can recognize by the big green traffic light impaled in its chest.

Christa: And Ivy is in love with you.

Heero: Well, yes. But I don't notice girls or boys or drool or anyone at all because I'm full of brooding angst and my hair is always in my eyes. My shorts need to be longer. I kill people.

Duo: Ha ha ha. I'm Duo Maxwell. I shall now emerge from the shadows and make arrogant and amusing quippy remarks as I flip my braid from side to side. I should get a haircut. And yes, contrary to the popular underground opinion, I am a ladies man even though I dress like a Catholic priest. Kinky, huh. Everybody has to like me because I provide comic relief. I never lose a battle because my Gundam has a giant sickle-scythe thing that makes everybody shiver in their evil thigh-high boots. I am a loud and cowboylike caricature of an American, but I don't care. Ha ha ha. I will now glance up from below the shadowy bill of my baseball cap and grin at you.

Relena: Hello there, I'm Relena Bignose. I don't know why I'm drawn so badly in a series where I'm supposed to be the romantic female lead. Nevertheless, I am utterly obsessed with Heero Yuy. I must now constantly call his name and therefore piss off every single female fan of this show. Heero Heero Heero. Seeing as I am a preposterously rich and priggish goody twoshoes, it's a wonder I got to be queen or whatever it is that I am on my family's Ghandilike pacifist politics. Heero Heero Heero. It's also a wonder that I haven't yet been physically bludgeoned to death.

Quatre: Erm, hello. I'm Quatre Winner, the just-so-cute-and-sweet-aww-wink-giggle-little-brother-blondie pilot. I'm wealthy beyond belief and always wear kakis from the GAP to prove it. Preppy is my middle name. Tee hee. Observe as I bite my lower lip, apologizing to every bad guy I slice up in battle. I also get ulcers from worrying too much about Trowa. Why I worry about Trowa's idiotic fate is anybody's guess. Christa thinks I'm insane.

Trowa: Hello. I am Trowa Barton, the pilot who is in serious need of proper hairstyle instruction. Christa doesn't like me very much because I am wimpy beyond belief and have no fashion sense whatsoever. Even Heero's wifebeater-Euroshorts combo is better than my white pansy boy pants. A purple eyed circus girl named Catherine is in love with me, although she pretends that I am her brother and insists on dressing me in a clown costume that looks, incredibly, even worse than my regular clothes. More incredibly still, I do not find any of that disturbing. I have amnesia and almost as many issues as Heero. We need therapy.

Wufei: Justice justice justice.

Gene Starwind: Christa, aren't you finished presenting that crazy series' characters yet? You know we're supposed to go find the Galactic Leyline in my phallus-shaped spaceship with a naked android girl, genius shaggy-haired boy, irritating barbarian cat, and really tall samurai woman. You can bring Zechs along, if you like. Cactus mutant.

Christa: First come gimmie a kiss, you hunky bad-boy broad-shouldered drawing you.

Gene Starwind: All righty.